Snape: A Teacher and a Rocker

He stares at the instrument as if it is forbidden fruit and slowly inches his way toward it as if it speaks to him. In his fifteen years as Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Severus Snape had not once considered the idea of being anything else than a schoolmaster but gazing upon this bizarre looking piece of musical equipment makes him think otherwise. Before he had confiscated it he had seen one of the Gryffindor students playing it in the corner of the dungeon and, though it had infuriated him to no end that one of those dunderheads should not be paying attention to the lesson nevertheless the music that was coming out of the black instrument was enthralling and alluring. What is this called? As he thinks, Severus can hear what the student had called it. His bass guitar…yes! That’s what this mysterious thing is called, a bass guitar, an instrument useful in popular wizard rock bands.
   With a shaking hand Severus reaches out and wraps his fingers around the guitar’s fretted neck and picks it up from the place where it has been leaning. It’s not that heavy, it feels just right as he throws the shoulder strap about his shoulders and it doesn’t drag him down as it hangs about him like a giant pendant. He plucks a string and the unamplified sound hits his soul like a piece of heaven. He hits another cord and his heart stops at the angelic sound.
   Severus looks about to make sure that no one is spying on him as he walks to his office with his newly discovered secret to search for the other two pieces of equipment that he had taken from that student earlier today and finds them: the amplifier and the pick are locked up in a trunk and as he pulls them out Severus tries to convince himself that what he’s doing is so very out of character but he can’t find it in him to do so. This instrument, this bass guitar, has him under its spell. It takes him a moment to figure out how to plug it into the amplifier but once that’s done he sets about self-learning how to tune it. That takes longer but Severus doesn’t give a damn, he surprises himself by feeling like a child at Christmas playing with a new toy. Once it’s tuned and the volume is up a good notch the notes coming out of the bass are more deep and relaxing.
   As he familiarizes himself with each note and part of the guitar Severus hopes and prays that no one comes down here to find him learning what seemed to be a prohibited art – well, to him at least.

Everyday after Potions class Severus sets about learning the ways of rock ‘n’ roll. He has an instructor from a guitar school in Hogsmeade come into his office for a few hours each afternoon and soon Severus can name all the parts to the bass guitar in his sleep: the frets and the strings, the detuners. He manages to cut his right hand up pretty good during the lessons and when students ask about that during Potions lessons he proceeds to give them meaningless detentions, determined to protect his secret. By the time O.W.L.s are just around the corner Severus can play the bass lines of two songs and has mastered the techniques of the “slap and pop” method of sound effect on the bass guitar. Every time the instructor leaves his office threshold Severus makes him swear not to tell anyone about the lessons. After all, who has ever heard of a Potions Master who can play guitar?
   Sadly, the instructor did not listen.
   Soon the owls are bringing him messages from witches and wizards whom he does not know, witches and wizards who are rock ‘n’ roll musicians themselves and who wish to form – of all things in the world – a rock band. Severus tries to ignore the messages but more keep coming and soon the messages and letters spill out of his office and into his classroom. In despair Severus takes to hiding them in trunks, frantic to keep his bass playing a furtive hobby. No one must ever know that there is more to him then just cauldrons and potions.
   But those who know of Severus Snape’s musician alter ego aren’t letting it go; they’re starting to actually come to Hogswarts in droves, asking Dumbledore if they could speak with the Potions Master. Resigning finally to his fate Severus agrees to see a “house band” and after a rather laid-back interview he finds that they seem like reasonable people to work with. There are two women on regular electric guitars and one man on keyboards while the other takes the role of drummer. Before their shocked and serious eyes Severus plays for them the entire bass line of The Hippogriff’s monster hit “Dance like a Leprechaun” followed by his own little creation full of slaps, pops, and flaming arpeggios. The band members are so stunned and so overjoyed that they immediately say, “We have our bass player!” and slap Severus on the back and shake his hand.
   When he hands in his resignation as Potions Master to Dumbledore the next day the Headmaster asks, “Why are you leaving us, Severus?” Severus says, “I’m going to be in a band.”

It’s another year at Hogwarts and Harry Potter is surprised to see that Professor Snape is not sitting in his usual chair with the staff in the Great Hall. As whispers fill the room from all the students Dumbledore informs them all that “Professor Snape will not be returning to Hogwarts due to a previous engagement”. Cheers erupted from the students (minus the Slytherin table) and while Harry felt overjoyed over this news, he wondered what a man so hated as Severus Snape would  have as a previous engagement. At this Ron, who has just been given a copy of the Daily Prophet by his owl Errol, turns as white as a sheet as soon as he opens it to the front page.
   “What is it, Ron?” asks Harry immediately hoping that it wasn’t about Voldemort again.
   “Look at this,” Ron says in shaking voice and he hands the paper to Harry. Harry and Hermione both lean over the newspaper and are stunned when he read the headline: POPULAR HOUSE BAND MORGANA’S CAULDRON ANNOUCES NAME OF NEW BASS PLAYER. The picture is of two women and three men dressed entirely in black are underneath the startling words and Harry looks up at Ron. “They have a new bass player,” he says, “That’s good isn’t it?”
   “Look again, mate,” says Ron.
   Harry looks at the new bass player and is stunned to see the image of none other than Severus Snape playing what looks like a crunchy number on his black bass guitar, the long greasy black hair dancing around his face, black eyes intense and focused. He looks different, somehow, but to the three of them at least Snape is displaying one emotion they thought he could never possess:
   Snape looks happy.